The Journal Gazette
Saturday, September 18, 2021 1:00 am

Late night laughs

Aw, crap!

“At the Washington Football Team's season opener, a pipe at the stadium burst over a group of fans, and some people said it might have been sewage. Well, that's a good omen for the season, you know? Washington is still looking for a team name; it's too bad the Browns are already taken.” – Jimmy Fallon

California dreaming

“California Gov. Gavin Newsom defeated a recall attempt by a nearly 2-to-1 margin, and Newsom was so relieved, his hair unclenched.” – Seth Meyers

“Sorry, California Republicans, I know you spent 20 months and millions of dollars on this recall, but you know what they say: You win some, but not in California.”– Stephen Colbert

“The race was called for Newsom less than an hour after the polls closed. Less than an hour. Amazing how fast an election can end when Rudy Giuliani isn't involved, isn't it?”– Jimmy Fallon

Dr. Nicki's diagnosis

“After she announced that she has not received the coronavirus vaccine, rapper Nicki Minaj tweeted yesterday that a friend of her cousin received the shot and became impotent after, quote, 'his testicles became swollen.' Which is pretty shocking, because when I got the shot, it was in my arm.” – Seth Meyers

“I can't believe I have to say this, but doctors agree that COVID vaccines do not cause swollen testicles. But to be fair to Dr. Minaj, everyone knows there's no source more reliable than your extended family's acquaintances in another country.” – Stephen Colbert

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