The Journal Gazette
 
 
Saturday, July 17, 2021 1:00 am

Late night laughs

Look, up in the sky ...

“I got a little choked up watching (Richard) Branson's flight. It always warms my heart to see billionaires achieve their dreams.

“I was happy for him, though. Normally when a billionaire flies away faster than the speed of sound, it's because they just got linked to Jeffrey Epstein.

“You know these are crazy times when it's safer flying to space than going on a Carnival Cruise, don't you think?– Jimmy Fallon

Noting that the flight only reached the edge of space...

“Just cause you touched net doesn't mean you can say you dunked. Branson's like one of those guys who say, 'Yeah, I've been to Texas' and then you find out he changed planes once at Dallas-Fort Worth.

“Call me when you've reached the moon, Richard. Surprised he didn't call me yesterday – he's probably got cell service up there.” – Seth Meyers

Going viral

“The Biden administration has reportedly run out of ideas to encourage more people to get the coronavirus vaccine. Luckily, the virus is coming up with new ideas all the time.” – Seth Meyers

“Olivia Rodrigo is going to the White House. She's going to team up with President Biden and Dr. Fauci to make videos about getting vaccinated. When his staff suggested bringing in popular musical artists, Biden was like, 'Great idea. How about Glenn Miller or the Andrews Sisters?' ” – Jimmy Fallon

“Pop star Olivia Rodrigo met with President Biden and Dr. Anthony Fauci today to discuss coronavirus vaccine outreach. That story, again: America's No. 1 teen idol met with Joe Biden and Olivia Rodrigo.”– Seth Meyers

“Vaccination rates are especially low among the younglings, so today pop star Olivia Rodrigo went to the White House to promote vaccines. Rodrigo told everyone who has already been vaxxed, 'Good for you, you look happy and healthy.' If you didn't get that reference [Rodrigo has a hit song titled 'Good 4 u'], I'm guessing you've been eligible for a vaccine since December.” – Stephen Colbert

Election Night toast(ed)

“According to one new book, at the White House election night party, some people thought Rudy Giuliani may have been drinking too much. The other people were Rudy Giuliani.” – Stephen Colbert

“That's right, Rudy was in rough shape on election night. He was slurring, sweating, confused – then he started drinking.”– Jimmy Fallon


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