The Journal Gazette
 
 
Saturday, November 21, 2020 1:00 am

Late night laughs

Graham crackers

“Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger said that Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham pressured him to find a way to toss legally cast absentee ballots to reverse President Trump's loss in the state. Man, just when you think Lindsey Graham couldn't sink any lower – why would you think that?” – Seth Meyers

“Well, they finally found some voter fraud – and it's always the last place you look: in the mirror.” – Stephen Colbert

Coup, coup: clocked

After it was reported that Rudy Giuliani had asked to be paid $20,000 a day for managing President Donald Trump's court challenges to his loss in the election ... 

“Wow, he's the gift that keeps on grifting, isn't he?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I wouldn't hire Rudy Giuliani if he paid me 20 grand a day.

“Trump's campaign was like, 'If we can afford that, we'd have hired a real lawyer.'

“I'm excited when Trump doesn't pay and then he hires Rudy Giuliani to sue Rudy Giuliani.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Turns out, Rudy has tried to wrestle power away from the current longstanding campaign leadership in an internal campaign coup. Wait, they're attempting a coup inside their coup? That is coup coup!”– Stephen Colbert

Crowd conditions

“It is interesting how now all the Trump supporters are suddenly OK with protesting and blocking traffic. How quickly their attitudes have changed. I bet we're only three months away from them kneeling at football games like, 'I will not stand for the anthem of a country that does not support myMAGAness.'” – Trevor Noah

“Ten thousand, a million – it's just how they count. You round up for marches, you round down for COVID deaths. It's all in their textbook, 'Basic Arith-MAGA.' ” – Stephen Colbert

“Now it doesn't look like a million people, but keep in mind a lot of those guys are wearing camouflage.

“I mean, if this is how his aides do math, it's no wonder Trump thinks he won the election.” – James Corden

“So the administration ends as it began, lying about crowd size. They've come full circle. That's just basic geo-MAGA.” – Stephen Colbert

A clear winner

“President Trump tweeted last night, 'I won the election.' Buddy, you're still talking about that? That was four years ago. Also, we had another election, and I have terrible news.” – Seth Meyers

“But I feel like he may be coming around because last night he tweeted that he won the election in all caps: 'I WON THE ELECTION.' This morning he backed off a little bit. He tweeted it in lower sentence-case. That's as close as he's going to get to a concession speech.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“That is the digital equivalent of waking up to find Grandpa screaming on the lawn in his underwear. You can't give a standard mental cognition test because the first question is, 'Who is the president?' ”– Stephen Colbert

After Trump tweeted of Biden: “He won because the Election was Rigged.”: “Let's just savor for a moment the fact that the tweet started with, 'He won.' It's like cracking open 'A Tale of Two Cities' and stopping after 'It was the best of times.' I will take your word for it, Mr. Dickens, and go about my day.” – Seth Meyers


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