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The Journal Gazette

Saturday, October 06, 2018 1:00 am

Late-night laughs

Jimmy Fallon

“IHOP is now making their own beer. It's perfect for people who think Waffle House beer is just a little too trashy.”

“A new study found that hand dryers in bathrooms spread more germs than paper towels. The makers of hand dryers said, 'But don't forget, we also don't dry your hands.' ”

“Robert Mueller was spotted at an Apple store. When he said his computer is really slow, the employee said, 'Like normal slow or your investigation slow?' ”

“The New York Times has reported that Trump got an allowance from his dad that made him a millionaire by age 8. And this is cute: By age 9, he'd already filed for his first bankruptcy.”

 Jimmy Kimmel

“Melania Trump has the right idea. With everything that's going on, she's getting out of town. Our first lady is headed overseas. Melania feels a strong connection to Africa because she's married to the Lyin' King.”

“Did you know that today is Google's 20th anniversary? It's true – Google it. Traditional gift for a 20th anniversary is china. Unfortunately, Google is banned in China, so we can't do that.”

Seth Meyers

“A bear in Tennessee this week was caught on camera walking up to a truck, opening a door, and stealing a Sonic fast-food bag. So, yeah, Yogi's let himself go.”

James Corden

“According to a report, Donald Trump at one point put his son Eric in charge of getting a restraining order against Stormy Daniels to prevent her from discussing their sexual encounter. Surprise – Eric failed. You know what they say: The family that restrains together, gets arraigned together.”