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The Journal Gazette

Saturday, June 09, 2018 1:00 am

Late-night laughs

James Corden

“A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. It's a little different than having a human staff. Instead of finding a hair in your food, you'll find a USB cable.”

“A plane in Holland was forced to make an emergency landing after a passenger's body odor was so bad that it caused others to vomit and faint. You know it's bad when people are going into the airplane bathroom for some fresh air.”

“A new article revealed that the EPA ordered 12 custom-made silver fountain pens for – get this – $1,500. In his defense, Scott Pruitt thought EPA stood for Expensive Pen Agency.”

Conan O'Brien

“In an interview, former President Bill Clinton said that he does not owe Monica Lewinsky an apology. Clinton said, 'What I do owe her is a new dress.' ”

“The Supreme Court ruled that a baker in Colorado can refuse to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple on religious grounds. Ladies and gentlemen, in my opinion, if there's anything America is not going to stand for, it's less cake.”

Jimmy Kimmel

“Today is Donald Trump's 500th day in office. Which I have to say, it feels like only yesterday that it was his 1,000th day in office.”

Trevor Noah (“The Daily Show”)

“Can we just acknowledge how weird it is that under Trump no one wants to visit the White House anymore? The Golden State Warriors wouldn't go last year, the Eagles won't go this year. In fact, the Cleveland Browns released a statement saying the only reason they've never won the Super Bowl is because they don't want to meet Trump. Yeah, apparently they're not losing, they're #resisting.”

Stephen Colbert

“CNN is reporting that the administration has prepared the pardoning paperwork for at least 30 people. 'O.K., let's see, who do we got here? Iron Mike Tyson, Charlie Sheen, the hot mug-shot convict, the Noid, Hannibal Lecter, Fred Flintstone and Osama bin Laden. Take that, Obama – now you murdered an innocent man.' ”