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The Journal Gazette

Saturday, March 10, 2018 1:00 am

Late-night laughs

Seth Meyers

“According to The New York Times, following news that China's President Xi Jinping is now president for life, President Trump jokingly told donors this weekend, 'Maybe we'll give that a shot someday.' That's great, but first, why not try being president for a full week?”

Conan O'Brien

“Jared Kushner lost his security clearance, and now he and Ivanka are trying to figure out their new limited roles. So far, their plan is to do terrible things on a much smaller scale.”

“The president of China basically declared himself president for life. In a related story, President Trump was declared president for 'what seems like a lifetime.' ”

“Some Republicans are really angry about a joke at last night's Oscars made about Mike Pence. My advice to those Republicans: Don't watch the Tonys.”

Jimmy Fallon

“Last night's Oscars broadcast was over three and a half hours long. Wow. To put that in perspective, that's longer than most jobs last in the White House.”

“Apple employees keep walking into glass walls at their new campus in California. An Apple customer said, 'Oh, so you do know how to make glass that doesn't shatter.' ”

James Corden

“Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen has announced he will invest $125 million in a research lab to teach artificial intelligence machines common sense. And if it works, they're going to try it with Congress and gun laws.”

“Some hospital workers in Kenya have been suspended after doctors performed brain surgery on the wrong patient. I guess those brain surgeons weren't exactly rocket scientists.”