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The Journal Gazette

Saturday, November 11, 2017 1:00 am

Late-night laughs

Jimmy Fallon

“Starbucks just unveiled its holiday cups, which had illustrations that customers can color in themselves. It's perfect for people who are too busy to make their own coffee at home, yet still have enough time to color in a coffee cup.”

Conan O'Brien

“President Trump tweeted that our criminal justice system is a 'joke.' He then tweeted, 'I mean, how is my entire family not in prison?' ”

“President Trump tweeted congratulations to the Houston Astros for winning the World Series. Trump said he's so happy for the Astros, he's only going to deport some of the players.”

“Amazon has unveiled a new way to view its products in 3-D. Amazon is calling its new invention 'a store.' ”

James Corden

“If you are sad the World Series is over, remember that there are 162 games in a baseball season, so I can only assume baseball starts again on Monday? The Dodgers lost in seven games, but in LA they talk about baseball a little differently. Here they say, they say that the Dodgers were canceled after seven episodes.”

“After Houston won, Astros shortstop Carlos Correa got down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend live on television. It was a beautiful moment. Although it confused Donald Trump. He was like, 'Wait, now athletes are kneeling after the game too? No!' Mike Pence walked out.”

“Republican leaders unveiled the new tax plan. It is over 400 pages long. Apparently the plan would cut the number of tax brackets for individuals down to three. It would be 35 percent, 25 percent and 12 percent. Which coincidentally also matches the trajectory of Trump's approval ratings. Weird coincidence.”

“A talking-point memo issued last week by House Republicans about their new tax cut plan referred to Americans earning $450,000 a year as low- and middle-income. This is insulting for everyone. People who are actually middle-class are like, 'Are you kidding me?' And people who really do make $450,000 a year are like, 'Wait, I'm not rich?' ”

Seth Meyers

“Security researchers have reportedly discovered that recently indicted former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort used 'bond007' as one of his computer passwords. He also signed his checks 'From Russia with Love.' ”

“In an interview with The New York Times, President Trump repeated the claim that he is not under investigation. And then he winked so hard he got a black eye. President Trump also said he enjoys being president and leaves the office late. In fact, he was supposed to only be there till May.”