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The Journal Gazette

Saturday, June 17, 2017 1:00 am

Late-night laughs

Seth Meyers

“Producers have announced that they are suspending production of 'The Real Housewives of Toronto.' Apparently, the show didn't work because every argument ended with, 'You know what? You're right. I'm sorry.' ”

“An 88-year-old woman has set a new record for oldest female to stand on the wing of a flying plane. It sounds dangerous, but it's actually the safest place to be when you fly United.”

Stephen Colbert

“Everybody was looking forward to the former FBI director testifying about all the details of his meetings with Donald Trump. Because, remember, Comey wrote everything down. And all his memos are going to be collected in his new children's book: 'James and the Guilty Orange.' ”

Conan O'Brien

“Former FBI Director Comey testified that he met privately with President Trump on Feb. 14th. This is good news for everyone who thought THEY had the worst Valentine's Day ever.”

“James Comey testified that every time he thought President Trump was lying, he wrote it down. Which explains why Comey was just rushed to the hospital for carpal tunnel syndrome.”

“House Speaker Paul Ryan defended Donald Trump's behavior, saying, 'The president's new at this.' Ryan said, 'And by “this” I mean 'following the law.' ”

“President Trump held a Cabinet meeting today in which each Cabinet member took turns praising the president. After hearing this, Kim Jong Un said, 'Man, even I'm not that insecure.' ”

“A new study reveals more than 2 billion people worldwide are overweight or obese. And at any given time, most of them are at Disneyland the same day as you.”

“Over the weekend in New Jersey, President Trump crashed a wedding. Apparently, the bride said she wanted something old, something new, something borrowed and something that will probably be out of office by August.”

“Someone invented a pair of yoga pants that vibrate when your yoga pose is incorrect. Which explains the new trend, 'incorrect yoga poses.' ”

Jimmy Fallon

“A Federal Appeals Court ruled against President Trump's revised travel ban. After the ruling, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said he's confident that the travel ban is 'fully lawful.' Then he was like, 'Sorry, I read that wrong – it's “fully awful.” My mistake.' ”