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The Journal Gazette

Saturday, May 13, 2017 1:00 am

Late-night laughs

Seth Meyers

“House Republicans voted on and passed an Obamacare replacement bill without knowing how much it could cost. Though I'm not surprised – they also voted on an Obama replacement without knowing the cost.”

“A member of the conservative House Freedom Caucus said yesterday that it can be difficult to negotiate with President Trump because it's hard to tell what he's thinking. Also, if.”

“Today was National Star Wars Day and if you celebrated, no girlfriend you have.”

“According to a new Politico poll, 48 percent of voters approve of the job President Trump is doing. Of course, a lot of them think that job is plus-sized golf shirt model.”

“Former President Bill Clinton is teaming up with author James Patterson to write a new book called 'The President Is Missing.' It'll be followed by the sequel, 'Never Mind, He's at the Golf Course.' ”

Conan O'Brien

“Former President Bill Clinton is collaborating on a novel about a U.S. president who goes missing. Clinton is describing the novel as 'part fiction, part alibi.' ”

“In France this weekend, far-right-wing candidate Marine Le Pen lost the presidential election by millions of votes. And here's the cool part, in France, if you lose by millions of votes that means you don't get to be president.”

James Corden

“I read that a restaurant just opened in Brooklyn that serves only avocados and avocado-based dishes. But even there, guac is still extra.”

“White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus responded to critics of the bill saying if you have a pre-existing condition this president is not going to let you down. And, he better hope so because the name Reince Priebus sounds like a pre-existing condition.”

Jimmy Fallon

“Today, Trump tweeted that the media is out of control, saying that they will do or say anything to get attention. Then he honked the horn of an 18-wheeler, posed for a picture with Kid Rock, and accused Obama of spying on him from his microwave.”

“President Trump canceled his White House Cinco de Mayo celebration. He made the decision after Mexico said they wouldn't pay for it.”

“Some big news from overseas. Yesterday, France elected 39-year-old Emmanuel Macron to be its new president. Trump said he's worried that, at 39, the president may be a little immature – then went back to tweeting insults at CNN.”