The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:
The United States is no longer the fattest country in the world. Please help us, Paula Deen. We’re no longer the fattest country in the world. That’s why they’re bringing back Twinkies. The fattest people in the world now are Mexicans. And that’s, of course, because they’re all living here.
According to a report from Pakistan, Osama bin Laden wore a big cowboy hat when he walked around his compound to shield him from being seen by U.S. drones. That’s a good strategy. The Lone Ranger wears a cowboy hat, and nobody has seen him anywhere.
Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer announced he is running for New York City comptroller, and one of his opponents is the madam who supplied him with hookers. There’s a tough choice for voters. One works in the most degrading profession of all time, and the other ran a whorehouse.
In a new interview, former President George W. Bush called the immigration system broken. And not just in this country. He said other countries also are filled with foreigners and we have to get them out.
Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she’s so old that she could be a Republican.
Political experts are saying Joe Biden needs to start doing more fundraising if he wants to run for president in 2016. A lot of people are saying they’d definitely donate to a Biden campaign. Most of them are Republicans, but still.
President Obama is getting a new limousine that will have advanced night-vision capabilities. The technology even has a cool name – it’s called headlights.
NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden has been offered asylum in Venezuela, Nicaragua and Bolivia. Or as Snowden put it, Prison it is!’