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Editorial columns

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Associated Press

Late-night humor

Jimmy Fallon

“Last night the White House staff played softball against a team made of marijuana lobbyists. Which explains why there were 20 hits before the game even started.”

“A new survey found that 70 percent of Americans admit to ‘going through the motions’ at their jobs. And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line.”

David Letterman

“During the summer all scandals will be reruns. That’s a programming reminder from the White House.”

“Did you see the pictures of Obama and Putin at the G-8 summit? It was like Thanksgiving with your relatives. See, the problem there is they have nothing to say to one another because they’ve been bugging each other’s phones.”

“Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the guy who made ‘Death to America’ a popular slogan. Now his successor, a moderate guy named Rohani, doesn’t believe in death to America. He believes in lingering illness to America.”

Craig Ferguson

“President Obama is in Berlin, Germany. It was 97 degrees in Berlin today. I haven’t seen Obama sweat like that since, well, yesterday. And the day before that. All this week, in fact.”

Jay Leno

“The latest search for Jimmy Hoffa has been called off. The FBI now says they called off the search because the NSA said it would be too difficult to find Jimmy Hoffa because he hasn’t made a phone call since 1975.”

“Iran has elected a new president named Hassan Rohani. Rohani has promised to improve Iran’s economy and fix the unemployment problem. If that doesn’t work, he’s going to blame the whole thing on President Bush.”

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