The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:
Do you believe Dennis Rodman is still talking about Kim Jong Un? It’s not a good sign when the friend who’s trying to explain that you’re not crazy is Dennis Rodman. That’s not the guy I would send out for my sanity test.
President Obama offered to wash senators’ cars if it would lead to an immigration bill. Senators then told Obama, If you’re going to wash our cars, why do we need immigrants?’
Ninety percent of people support background checks, which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
Because of the filibuster, the gun bill failed 54 to 46. Failed. I tell you, if the American people ever learn math, they’re going to be pissed.
It was revealed today that someone sent President Obama a suspicious letter containing the poison ricin. It’s a deadly poison made from beans. They said it’s the third worst substance you can send in the mail behind anthrax and packing peanuts.
Federal law enforcement agencies say they believe it’s from the same person who sent ricin to a Republican senator yesterday. At least he’s bipartisan.
North Korean officials reportedly are planning a cyberattack on the U.S. in an effort to bring our economy to a halt. Nice try, guys. You’re five years too late.
According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans would vote for Ronald Reagan for president right now over Barack Obama. In fact, in the last election 58 percent of the people in Florida did vote for Ronald Reagan.