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And Another Thing


Must-see TV?

According to all the reviewers, tonight America's cultural IQ takes another hit, and we find that there is actually another sub-basement below the sub-basement that has been occupied in recent years by the Nitwits Kardashian.

Say hello to "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?", boys and girls!

In which a multiple Olympic gold-medalist swimmer and aspiring brain surgeon (OK, so I made up that last part) lets us follow him around as he searches for his perfect mate in bars and other original locales.

Even though the show didn't debut until tonight, it's apparently already making him a laughing stock. Which isn't really fair, you know, considering "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" can't be any more empty-headed than the adventures of the aforementioned Kardashians.

In fact ... this could set off a whole new series of reality shows starring a succession of sports personalities. Here are just a few ideas:

1. "What Would The Girl Ryan Lochte Hit On In The Bar Do?"

In which a camera crew follows a young woman named "Ashlee" as she tries to give the Olympic gold medalist the slip. Alternate title: "The Great Race II."

2. "What Would Gary Bettman Do?"

Cameras follow the NHL commissioner as he trips over a hassock, slips on a banana peel in the company cafeteria, stumbles during a White House reception and dumps a plate of food all over Michelle Obama, and gets doused by a passing truck while trying to hail a cab in a rainstorm.

Alternate title: "OK, Who Ordered The Clown?"

3. "What Turrible Thing Could Charles Barkley Possibly Say That Would Cost Him His Job?"

Cameras roll as Charles says one increasingly bizarre thing after another while a look of terror creeps slowly onto Kenny Smith's face.

Alternate title: "I'm Tellin' You, Kenny, Brook Lopez and Tim Duncan -- Same Guy!"

And last but not least ...

4. "What Would Tiger Woods Do If Cameras Tried To Follow Him Around For A Reality Show Called 'What Would Tiger Woods Do'?"

Thirty seconds of blurred footage of a pancake-house waitress and then the ground, the sky, the ground again and the sky again before everything goes dark. Subsequent episodes cancelled and replaced with reruns of "Look What Kim Kardashian's Doing Now."

Alternate title: "Litigation Pending."

Ben Smith's blog.