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Editorial columns

  • Tea party’s assimilation into GOP now complete
    Say what you will about Sens. Rand Paul, R-Ky., and Ted Cruz, R-Texas, but they know a train wreck when they see it.
  • A social media sideshow
    When something awful happens, it is easier not to stare directly at it. Instead, we focus on the things around the edges. And these days, those edges include What Happened On Social Media afterward. What did they tweet?
  • Life goes on, thanks to donors
    Having worked at Lutheran Hospital the past 18 years, I have experienced many tragic stories. Oftentimes those stories end with families giving the ultimate gift – the gift of life to those in need.
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Late-night humor

The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:

Conan O’Brien

“North Korea threatened to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to ‘Gangnam Style.’ ”

“The Obama administration new budget plan calls for saving billions of dollars by selling off federal properties. So folks, get ready for the Washington Monument, brought to you by Cialis.”

Bill Maher

“John Boehner said today he wants to take away North Korea’s missiles, but he won’t because it’s a slippery slope from there to gun control.”

“Sixty-eight senators want to move forward on background checks, and 31 – all of them Republicans – say no, that is the death of freedom. They are sticking with the principle that asking for any kind of ID would be a horrible violation of the Constitution … unless it keeps black people from voting. Then it is a fantastic idea.”

Jay Leno

“President Obama hosted Republican senators for dinner at the White House. The president said he had to do without salt, pepper and butter – because, as you know, the Republicans refuse to pass anything.”

“According to a new study, our views on immigration are changing. For example, when asked if they support a path to citizenship, 40 percent of the respondents said ‘Si.’ ”

Jimmy Fallon

“Things are still very tense in North Korea. In fact, world leaders are still waiting to see if Kim Jong-un is going to actually fire a missile after this week’s deadline came and went. Apparently what happened was he messed up and bought Mentos and Coke.”

“Because of budget cuts, the Navy may have to cancel Fleet Week, where thousands of sailors dock in New York City. Of course, if you want to see a bunch of people glad to be off a boat, you could just wait for a Carnival cruise to come in.”

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