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Late-night humor

The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:

Conan O’Brien

“North Korea threatened to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to ‘Gangnam Style.’ ”

“The Obama administration new budget plan calls for saving billions of dollars by selling off federal properties. So folks, get ready for the Washington Monument, brought to you by Cialis.”

Bill Maher

“John Boehner said today he wants to take away North Korea’s missiles, but he won’t because it’s a slippery slope from there to gun control.”

“Sixty-eight senators want to move forward on background checks, and 31 – all of them Republicans – say no, that is the death of freedom. They are sticking with the principle that asking for any kind of ID would be a horrible violation of the Constitution … unless it keeps black people from voting. Then it is a fantastic idea.”

Jay Leno

“President Obama hosted Republican senators for dinner at the White House. The president said he had to do without salt, pepper and butter – because, as you know, the Republicans refuse to pass anything.”

“According to a new study, our views on immigration are changing. For example, when asked if they support a path to citizenship, 40 percent of the respondents said ‘Si.’ ”

Jimmy Fallon

“Things are still very tense in North Korea. In fact, world leaders are still waiting to see if Kim Jong-un is going to actually fire a missile after this week’s deadline came and went. Apparently what happened was he messed up and bought Mentos and Coke.”

“Because of budget cuts, the Navy may have to cancel Fleet Week, where thousands of sailors dock in New York City. Of course, if you want to see a bunch of people glad to be off a boat, you could just wait for a Carnival cruise to come in.”

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