The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:
A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn’t figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.
The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie Argo.’ They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal of their country. You can’t do that! That would be like Scotland suing over the movie Shrek.’
We’re learning more about the dead Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez. It seems he amassed about $2 billion in personal fortune while president – and he was a socialist. Imagine how rich he could have been if he didn’t believe in redistribution of wealth.
We have a new pope! He is Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio. He is from Argentina. Tens of millions of Hispanics celebrated. And that was just here in L.A. People all over the world celebrated differently. In Rome, they prayed. In Dublin, they sang. In New York, they chugged super-sized Mountain Dews.
There are reports that Joe Biden will handle more foreign policy matters during President Obama’s second term. Though you know it’s bad when world leaders are like, Can you just send Dennis Rodman instead?’
In accordance with Vatican tradition, the cardinals in the papal conclave release white smoke when a Pope is chosen. The practice was started by those two ancient leaders, Cardinal Cheech and Cardinal Chong.
After tours of the White House were canceled due to budget cuts, Donald Trump offered to pay for them. All he’s asking is they rename it the Trump White House and Casino.
The former mayor of Detroit has been convicted of racketeering and extortion charges. The sentence is pretty hard. He has to serve another term as mayor of Detroit.