You choose, we deliver
If you are interested in this story, you might be interested in others from The Journal Gazette. Go to www.journalgazette.net/newsletter and pick the subjects you care most about. We'll deliver your customized daily news report at 3 a.m. Fort Wayne time, right to your email.

Editorial columns

  • Film gives public education boosters a say
    Rocky Killion is the Clark Kent of public education – the superman many have waited for.
  • Harassment fuels race riots
    SWAT teams and angry protesters clashed in a small St. Louis suburb for a third day Tuesday, following the death of unarmed black teenager Michael Brown. The eruption of protests and violence has been a long time coming.
  • Overhaul needed in physician training
    Here’s a deal you might be interested in. You get $10 billion a year of taxpayers’ money to do something you may well have done anyway. You don’t need to say what you spend it on, or why.
Advertisement

Late-night laughs

The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:

Jay Leno

“Beyoncé finally admitted that she did lip sync the national anthem during the inauguration. Now Donald Trump is claiming that since she did lip sync, President Obama is not legally president. He said it invalidated the whole thing.”

“I love this story: The state of Washington is now looking for a marijuana consultant now that marijuana is legal up there. I think this is one of those green jobs President Obama is always talking about.”

David Letterman

“We have a new secretary of state, John Kerry, former senator from Massachusetts. For four years Hillary Clinton served as the secretary of state, and in a moving ceremony today Hillary officially turned over the pantsuit.”

“Women serving in the United States military will now be serving in combat. Finally there will be somebody in the tank who will stop and ask for directions.’”

Bill Maher

“The Dow hit 14,000. It hasn’t been that high since 2007, heading toward an all-time high. Just think of how big it would be if Obama wasn’t such a socialist.”

“In an interview last week, Obama said he loves to shoot skeet up at Camp David. Republicans said if he is a skeet shooter, why have we not heard of it? Why have we not seen photos of it? Yes, because nothing would ease the Republican mind more than a photo of the black president with a gun.”

Jimmy Kimmel

“There’s a petition going around asking President Obama to make the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday. That’s a good idea. After a long, exhausting day of sitting on the couch watching TV, I need a day off.”

“It will now cost you 46 cents to mail a letter. Some people are complaining about the price even though it’s a penny more than the old price. You’re not allowed to spend $4 on a cup of coffee and complain about a cent.”

Advertisement