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Editorial columns

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Late-night laughs

The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:

Jay Leno

“House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama’s focus is to annihilate the Republican Party. Do Republicans look like they need any help from President Obama? They’re doing a hell of a job themselves.”

“A scary moment at John Kerry’s ... confirmation hearing. One of the senators had taken his Ambien the night before, and – combined with the stuffy room and Kerry’s boring speech – he slipped (into) a coma.”

Conan O’Brien

“At the inaugural ball, President Obama was caught doing some very stiff and awkward dance moves. In other words, Obama is already reaching out to Republicans.”

“Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed on to a new ‘Terminator’ film. Due to his age, this one features the catchphrase, ‘I’ll be back, right after ‘Wheel of Fortune.’ ”

Bill Maher

“Already the Obama administration has been rocked by scandal. Beyoncé lip-synching; or at least we think she was lip-synching. Manti Te’o said it sounded very real to him.”

“Lip-synching – let that be a lesson; if you are in Washington, D.C., and you open your mouth and another voice comes out, it better be the NRA, an oil company or a bank.”

Stephen Colbert

“Yes, lip-gate. Beyoncé-gate. The crisis in Lip-ya. Beyonc-gazi. ... If Beyoncé lip-synched at Obama’s inaugural, do you know what that means? If so, please write in because I’d love to know why I’m so angry!”

“I’m still reeling from yesterday’s inauguration disaster. First off, where was security? The Secret Service is supposed to protect the president and first lady, but in the middle of a kiss, they were viciously photobombed. Enjoy Gitmo, Malia.”

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