The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:
Happy birthday to first lady Michelle Obama. She turned 49 years old (on Jan. 17). She told a reporter she’d like a nice gift from Barack, but nothing extravagant. Oh, don’t worry. Obama is very responsible when he’s spending his own money.
Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn’t have happened if those fish had guns.
Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant asked state legislators to declare President Obama’s new gun control proposals illegal,’ though I’m not sure if the Mississippi state legislature has that kind of power since it’s just 30 hissing possums in a barn.
Ann Romney has reportedly declined an offer to appear on this season’s Dancing With the Stars.’ She’s probably not a good fit for the show anyway – because I’ve heard of her.
The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It’s like a septic tank saying, You need a mint.’
The best advertisement for torture is not Dick Cheney and people like that who support it, it is Hollywood. At the Golden Globes, it’s movies. Ben Affleck won for playing a CIA officer, Claire Danes won for playing a CIA officer, Jessica Chastain won for playing a CIA officer and of course, Julianne Moore won for playing Sarah Palin, a master of counterintelligence.
Hey, this week was the season premiere of American Idol.’ And this year people are able to nominate their talented friends who don’t want to audition. Yeah, making someone try out for something they don’t really want – or, as Republicans call that, the Romney plan.’