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And Another Thing

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Today's heavenly moment

(The time: Now. The scene: Pearly Gates, Processing Department).

EARL WEAVER: For (bleep's) sake, look at this line. What is this, the BMV?

STAN MUSIAL: Now, Earl. Remember, patience is a virtue. And they're kinda big on virtue in these parts.

WEAVER: Yeah, well, they never had to deal with Bozo the Nearsighted Clown sayin' Mike Flanagan was still on the rubber when he made his move to first, when any moron could see he wasn't.

MUSIAL: Well, umpires are human, Earl. Like all of us, they make mistakes.

WEAVER: Yeah, but why so (bleepin') many? And why always against us?

MUSIAL: Oh, come on, Earl, now that's just silly. It wasn't always against you. OK, so most of the time, but not always.

WEAVER: Damn skippy.

MUSIAL: Shhh. Don't let 'em hear you say that. They kinda frown on that around here.

WEAVER: Yeah, well ... I just hope nobody holds that against me. I'm a good guy, generally. I only cuss when some bleeper's got it coming.

MUSIAL: There you go again. I'm tellin' you, Earl, they don't like that here. Keep it up and you might have some trouble when we get to the head of this line.

WEAVER: Only if St. Peter turns out to be related to that bleepin' bleeper Steve Palermo. That guy, bleep. Just thinking about him makes my a** hurt.

MUSIAL: Well ... if so, I'll vouch for you, Earl, if you think that'll help.

WEAVER: Are you kidding? One good word from you and I'm in like Flynn. I hear the guy who runs this place already thinks He's Stan Musial.

MUSIAL: Now, Earl ... oh, look! The line's moving. What a beautiful sight.

WEAVER: Beautiful, my tushie. I think I see Cobb up there. He'll probably bring it to a stop again just because he's Cobb and that's the kind of crap he likes to pull.

(A stricken look suddenly rumples Musial's serene features).

MUSIAL: Cobb! Ah, (bleep)!

Ben Smith's blog.

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