The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:
President Obama is in town today. Hes visiting the places that were destroyed by Hurricane Sandy. And hes visiting people who lost their power. Those are Republicans, but thats a different story.
After the election, 20 states said theyve got to get out. They said, We cant take it anymore, so 20 states are working on seceding from the United States. Were facing real economic problems, so take those 20 states that want to leave and charge them $10,000 apiece.
Facebook just launched a new app. They teamed up with the Department of Labor to create what they call the social jobs app. You can browse through 2 million job listings. You know its bad when even Facebook thinks its time for you to get a job.
Colorado and Washington just legalized marijuana. If Hostess cant figure out a way to make money off of that, then maybe they shouldnt be in the snack cake industry. I guess Ill just have to take my business to Little Debbie.
There are now reports that President Obama will name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to be the next secretary of defense. Apparently this is part of Americas new defense strategy to bore our enemies to death.
Skyfall, the No. 1 movie at the box office this week, made over $100 million. Its the biggest opening ever for a James Bond film. Theres not a lot of sex in the movie – its very downplayed. See, James Bond is just a secret agent. Its not like hes head of the CIA.
Yesterday, President Obama gave his first press conference since being re-elected. And a lot of people are saying it looked like he was trying to cover up some of his gray hair. So I guess Obamas major goals include jobs for women and Just For Men.
Another big storm could hit the Northeast by Wednesday, preventing millions from visiting relatives for Thanksgiving. But theres also a downside.